Tuesday, March 30, 2010

Don't Run, Walk.

I have some very strong feelings about what has improbably become the 21st Centrury's Titanic, a film I had very high hopes and low expectations for, the Pocahontas of outer space, the one, the only, Avatar. I went to see it on opening day, waited in line for two hours for the IMAX show and was ready to experience for the first time a film that I'd hoped would like enough to watch 30+ more times. I really, desperately wanted to like this movie but I didn't expect to. What I took from it was a headache from the 3-D glasses and a slew of questions.

I've had some heated arguments about this movie to the point where people think I'm just being a snobby contrarian. Maybe they are right, I'm not self-aware enough to judge; all I can do is state my case as to why I thought that this movie was on the whole, very average. It's epic, it's ambitious, it's expensive; and it's got everything else you'd expect from a James Cameron film....other than plot, character development and realism. I know, I know, you're thinking, "Realism? Are you kidding? T-2 wasn't realistic!" No, I'm not kidding, and, yes, it was realistic. Any story has certain conditions called "The Setting" around which the characters are revolved. Where some movies fail and others succeed is how believeable the characters' behavior is within the context of that setting. T-2 is a movie with a fantastical setting, yet John Connor and his crazy mother behave relatively how we'd expect them to given the preset conditions of the film. Avatar has its own set of preconditions that I am going to assume you are familiar with for the sake of expediency. We have to accept these preconditions and hope that the characters' behavior pulls everything together and tells a compelling story. My case states that it doesn't.

The one argument I can make for this movie is that the CGI, sound effects, etc. are all mind-blasting. They basically took the technology that Peter Jackson and crew used to bring Gollum to life in Lord of the Rings and took it to the 10th power. Everything from the individual blades of grass to the expressions on the faces of the Thundercats/Na'vi felt so real that you forget you're not watching real actors. These types of special effects are definitely going to be a big part of the future of movies, and it looks as though that future could be closer than we thought. Cameron waited years to bring his story to life and the effects were well worth the wait. At the very least, this movie is revolutionary the way Star Wars Episode IV was revolutionary. For that reason alone, I highly suggest that everyone go watch it.

The story itself, however, we've seen before. Disney made Pocahontas in 1995 and it fell relatively flat compared to its other Diseny Masterpieces and The New World came out a few years ago with the epically bad Colin Farrell playing John Smith. Both films described an imperialistic society encountering a "primitive" society to obtain resources that would have had great value back home. Soon after, a guy from the invading force meets a chick from the natives, learns their ways, remembers he hasn't had sex in a LONG time, and majorly violates the Bro-Code. All-in-all, it's pretty cliche, which is fine with me. Avatar is just executed shabbily and didn't really outdo either of its predecesors from a plot/theme/character development perspective with the bar having been set fairly low.

Jake Sully's character development is the first major strike. We are barely introduced to his character before he's thrown into the Na'vi society. We know that he is an ex-marine who can't walk and he's replacing his dead brother's Avatar since they have the same DNA...fine. We are led to assume that he misses running around and this leads to his emotional transformation from human to Na'vi...understandable, right? Wrong, one of the senior members of the private military staff tells Jake that they'll fix his legs when they get back to earth. Umm, what? If his condition was reversible, why didn't he get fixed and join them as a marine? Why did he want to turn into an alien and frolic around the forest? Why was he desperate to hang onto his Avatar's ability to walk which presumably led to him betraying his species? Marines aren't typically nature lovers who wantonly break the chain of command and disobey orders. They are trained to not give a shit about anything other than "the objective." Cameron didn't even attempt to show us that Jake was capable of being more than a "dumb soldier" which is how they portrayed him from the outset of the film. His behavior was highly abnormal and it wasn't adequately explained. Did his love for his twin brother spark his desire to take up his cause? Did something happen to him when he was serving to disenchant him with the military? If he was going to go off the deep end like he did, then please give me more than a few walks in the jungle with a Thundercat to explain the reason. While "he was horny" is a believeable reason (and was the basic premise of Pocahontas) it does not exactly get deep enough to jive with the whole "nature vs. technology" theme.

Sigourney Weaver's character was also perplexing. She spends the first half of the movie playing a sarcastic scientist and the second half playing an idealistic tree-hugger. When exactly did she decide to soften-up? Furthermore, why did it take so long for her to mention that the entire planet was self-aware and that all living creatures with the ethernet-tail could communicate with each other? Isn't that the single coolest thing about the world that Cameron created? It took about two hours before that revelation was made to be more significant than a peer-to-peer bond. It's like going from having an in-home network to hooking up to the world-wide-web! That discovery is what should have awoken Jake Sully's spirit in joining the Na'vi, not some carnal need to mate combined with being able to run around (since he was fixable).

In my many arguments about this movie, people have pointed to Cameron's "creativity" in the different plant and animal species that were present on the island. I'm not going to spend a lot of time on this, but weren't they just dinosaurs that were slightly tweaked around, or am I crazy? I don't find much creativity in that, not that it's a bad thing, but it's a lazy argument to make so STOP IT. Speaking of lazy, let's dig into a specific plot incident which might have been one of the all-time lazy storytelling moments: Michelle Rodriguez going-Green (or in Avatar's case, going-Blue). Remember that the security force she is employed-by that is imposing itself on the island is privately owned and operated. These guys (and gals) flying the jets and carrying the automatic weapons are getting paid a pretty-penny for being there; that's how mercenaries work. For her to go AWOL in the midst of an assault on the island saying, "I didn't sign-up for this," is lunacy! THIS IS EXACTLY WHAT YOU SIGNED-UP FOR, BITCH! How was she not marooned on the nearest moon for insubordination? She subsequently went back to base and rescue the imprisoned Jake Sully so he could go back and help the Na'vi. What the hell? No one noticed her doing this? There wasn't a better way to have Sully escape and get back to his new friends? Weak.

I also find it hard to believe that whatever governing body was in charge of earth at the time of this story didn't impose itself on the situation there, and instead, left it up to a private enterprise with its own paramilitary force to sort-out. If this stuff Unobtainium (it's hard to obtain, fyi) was so valueable and the one obstacle in procuring it was that it's underneath a major city of an alien civilization, bring in the government! Also, was whoever was in charge of that company really okay with Giovanni Ribisi effectively deciding to commit a genocide on a similar level to the Holocaust? I find that somewhat hard to believe considering the shit-storm of bad press that would bring down. Since Cameron said nothing in the setting of the movie about this company and why it was allowed to do whatever it wanted, I have to question it. This would have never happened in Star Trek or Star Wars where there governing bodies specifically concerned with inter-species relations.

People have told me to just shut the hell up and enjoy the movie since it's better than most other movies out there. That is true; however, when any story is written it has an unstated goal with how serious, sad, dark, satirical, romantic or funny it's trying to be. Avatar is clearly a movie that takes itself very seriously and is attempting to make a major statement about the evils of imperialism and the power of nature, among other things. Just look at the script, there are no light moments anywhere and the human actors come across extremely grim the entire movie. Naturally, the bar we as viewers need to set for it is going to be higher than the bar we set for, say, Hot Tub Time Machine. It's impossible to rationally judge movies without thinning the field and comparing movies that are aiming to hit similar goals. In that respect, I think Avatar failed miserably. It didn't hold up sufficiently when compared to other science fiction, social commentary or romance films. Nothing was explained and the characters consistently failing to convince me that they had a good reason for behaving the way they did undermined what the movie was trying to say. That's partially their fault as actors, but mainly James Cameron's fault as the writer/director. This was basically a three-hour light show, entertaining as it may have been. Maybe I'm being too hard on it and maybe Cameron just wanted to make a cool-looking movie. I don't think it's the case especially when it's been 20-or-so years in the making and had a $500m marketing budget, but what do I know? I just think he (characteristically) shot for the stars and fell (uncharacteristically) short of his lofty goal. I hope he spends more time on his storytelling or we will surely be in store for a monstrosity of a sequel. Prosocution rests.

Wednesday, March 24, 2010

NIT Basketball!

So, the Heels are in the NIT Semifinals which takes place at MSG on Tuesday night, and while I'm thrilled that they overachieved, I'm faced with a conundrum of sorts: to go, or not to go? Before I get into that, let me give you some background. This year has been particularly awful when it comes to following UNC, but not for the reason you might think. I'm not frustrated because they suck and I am upset about it, I'm frustrated because they suck and I can't get upset about it because they just won last year. If I started acting like a whiney bitch (as I normally would) after a season like this, I'd feel really lame; how often does a team put everything together and win a National Championship? In my case, I've been lucky enough to see them win twice in the last five years and see them come close another five times since I started following them in 1995. For most other schools, they might compete in a real way once every five years and win once every 20 years! Wouldn't they suffer a season like the '09-'10 Heels' to win a championship? Absolutely. I basically have to just accept everything that's happened and move on.



To give you an idea, UNC lost to Dook twice this year and I didn't want to jump out of the window before, during or after either of the games. Normally when the two teams play, I work myself up into a drunken frenzy by tipoff and then ratchet up the intensity exponentially as the game goes on. The game at Cameron Indoor Stadium (sixth circle of hell where the heretics think that Durham, NC is the center of the basketball universe) when they got absolutely wiped-out was off-puttingly ho-hum. Normally, I'd be catatonic after a loss like that and question why I watch sports and put myself through such torment, but not this time. I felt as if I was a neutral party watching Morgan St. get whooped by Kentucky. There were times when I would space-out and think things like, "Wow, Jon Scheyer has a quick release," and "Nolan Smith can make it in the NBA," and "Hey, Kyle Singler look like the little kid from About A Boy!" What the hell is that all about? Normally when I see a white guy on Duke all I see are pasty bodies riddled with zits that couldn't turn the corner on a stationary rubber cone. Now I was actually admiring their "skill" and commenting on how they look like endearing British child actors? What's happening to me???


I went to the Coaches vs. Cancer tournament at MSG earlier this year before I lost my mojo. It was the start of a new season, the Heels were supposed to have reloaded after losing their four best players last year and were expected to make yet another deep tournament run. I was cautiously optimistic; they were young and most of their guys were unproven (guess what, they still are!), but they did have those two enigmatic temptresses: size/length and talent/athleticism. The one thing the pundits (and I) either forgot, didn't realize or chose to ignore is that UNC's point guard was Larry Drew II. If you want to witness a train wreck, there are two ways you can do it: watch the movie WANTED, or watch Larry Drew II. (With WANTED you'll actually get a two-for-one since the movie is atrocious and there is a scene where a train actually gets, well, wrecked.) Drew II plays the position like it's rugby, careening into the waiting arms of seven-foot giants with wreckless abandon often finding himself left with fewer outs than Worm at the end of Rounders.


Anyway, the Heels started Coaches vs Cancer vs Ohio St. (a nationally ranked team with the 2nd best player in the country), dominating the first 35 minutes of the game before nearly blowing a double-digit lead in the last five minutes. It was an alarming sign that they couldn't close it out, but I was just drunk enough to not notice and was looking forward to their next game which was against Syracuse. Let me tell you, it is not going to be fun reliving that experience over the next five minutes. I had to sit there watching UNC get abused like an altar boy with a close friend of mine who grew up in Syracuse (middle finger if you are reading this) in a venue that was filled with Syracuse fans. The place was racously giddy; it was as if they'd been told that they were all going to get to sleep with the entire Victoria's Secret lineup after the game. As for myself, I felt like I was going to die in that place. I would compare it to the eighth circle of hell (Fraud), since I was supporting a team trying to pass itself off as a contender. I got beer poured on me (accident after Cuse's 23rd three-pointer) and felt like I deserved it for wearing powder blue. I had Syracuse fans who had mocked me for two hours actually feel bad for me by the end because I looked like I was going to start crying (didn't want their pity). If I had gotten punched in the face, I would have bowed my head and accepted it. It was one of the low points of my (sports) life and the weird thing is that I would give a whole lot to care that much again. I can't even tell that it's March because my fist hasn't had a single close encounter with a brick wall yet.


The Syracuse game was a microcosm of their entire season as they finished with a .500 record, missed the NCAAs for the first time in seven years and were seeded fourth in their region for the NIT (puke). Talk about falling from grace. So here I am, with UNC having come full-circle returning to The Garden for the NIT Final Four on Tuesday. Their run through the ranks of NCAA Tournament rejects has been somewhat inspiring. The fact that Roy Williams didn't let them mail-it-in and is using this to build back their pride/self-confidence is a breath of fresh air. So the question now, as I asked earlier is, to go, or not to go? Despite their mini resurgence, I still find it hard to feel much of anything at this point. How do I root for them to win the NIT? It would almost mock what they acheived last year and most of all, it would frustrate me that they didn't beat these types of teams during the regular season. I find it hard to believe that they put it all together in time for one last run at the consolation prize. Am I supposed to invest time, money and my emotional stability for the N-I-fucking-T? On the other hand, how do I not go out and support these guys that I (used to) care too much about when they are playing in my backyard? This decision is a defining moment for me and I am not sure that there is a right or wrong choice. I have just under one week to decide, but just in case I decide to put myself back out there, does anyone want to be my wingman/sponsor?

Monday, March 22, 2010

HI

What took me so long to do this? All I do is bitch about stuff to people who, for the most part, don't care. Is there a better forum for this than a web-log? Anyway, for those of you who don't already know, I tend to have very strong and usually unsupported opinions about everything from sports to how much people suck. If you have a problem with that, awesome, and away I go...

I am starting to give up on college basketball from a quality of play perspective. That's not to say that I'm giving up watching it, it just means that I don't think it can improve. The product is total crap. Sure, we had some sick buzzer-beaters and solid OT games during the first two rounds of the NCAAs, but overall it was hard to watch.


The problem is that there is a formula to winning: all you need to win is a good point guard who can start the fast break/protect the ball/draw fouls in crunch time, two guys (could include said point guard) who can hit 3's/free-throws and a big man to protect the rim/rebound/clog the paint. Does this remind you of every "good" Duke team in the last 15 years? Yes! Am I a bitter UNC fan? Yes, but that doesn't mean I'm not right. There is very little pick-and-roll, mid-range shooting and general individual brilliance in the college game. You could argue, of course, that basketball is a team game and individual performances only cast an ugly cloud over that, and you'd be right. Unfortunately, the NCAAs have something I call "individual cluster-fuck," and they have it in spades. There were countless games when a team's entire half-court offense consisted of their "star" or their point guard dribbling for 20 seconds and either and turning it over or chucking up a horrid shot (usually a three). Wait, I think I just described the UNC half-court set from 2009-2010. So, so bitter...

I would expound on my reasons why the game is this way listing everything from rules and poor coaching to the psychology of the average NCAA basketball player trying to make eight figures in the NBA, but I don't like defending my arguments, I just make them. Moving on...

I watched The Hurt Locker again this weekend and noticed some new things about it: The psychologist/Colonel/Ice Truck Killer from Dexter got exactly what he deserved. I felt bad for him the first time I watched it, but no more. He's telling a bunch of Iraqis who either don't speak English (or who do and are pretending they don't) to move their cart because it's not safe "today." Really? It's not safe in downtown Baghdad in 2004? What a doofus. How the hell did that guy become a colonel in the US military? He apparently never really went out into the field and saw real combat and now he's counseling 18-year-old kids who are stuck in the desert dodging bombs from insurgents...huhh? No wonder they all have Gulf War Syndrome.


This leads me to my second observation: why the hell was Eldridge such a baby about it when he died (and how did I miss him being a total sodding wet blanket the first time around)? He saw his first team leader/guy from Memento/guy from LA Confidential die from a bomb and it was because he (Eldridge) was unable to kill the guy who triggered it. You would think he'd be a little more distraught about causing the death of his team leader than some Iraqi grandfathers outsmarting some paper pushing, ass-kissing doctor-made-Colonel. When Sgt. James wanted to go "Haji hunting," Eldridge said he was down to party (paraphrasing), but when he goes and gets captured like a loser and accidentally gets shot by James during the (successful) rescue, he get's pissed at him! Would he have preferred to let the two insurgents take him to a basement, put a flag on the wall behind his head and start chopping? Did he even thank James for rescuing him? No, he just blamed him for shattering his femur and putting him on the shelf for six months. Sorry about your vagi-, I mean, femur, douche, but maybe you should have voiced your concern before you went out in the dark trying to seek revenge on the guys who killed your gynecologist. Will James got a bad rap, man, I tell ya...


My third observation was already known to me, but it only strengthened my previous notion that Kate from LOST is totally useless in all situations. I hope she dies soon (on the show), she can do NOTHING right. James was getting all excited about people getting exploded in Iraq and how they need more bomb techs like him, and she (playing the part of his wife) tells him to cut a carrot. Really, you're going to be passive aggressive about not wanting your husband to go back to disabling bombs in Iraq? Don't you think and old-fashioned tantrum (shake the baby, pretend to kill yourself, offer sexual favors) would work better? No wonder the guy ended up back there. The irony of all of this is that it's the exact opposite of how LOST Kate would have acted. She would have agreed that he should go back to Iraq and then complained when he didn't let her come. She would have then pretended like she was over it and then come anyway. Then she would have interfered while he was trying to disable a bomb and gotten them both killed. Would that have made the movie better? Worse? Who knows, but at least we know that Kate sucks and to never fall for her venus flytrap-like personality.