This first one isn't a recent development insomuch as it's a recurring one. Why the hell can't the idiots that work at Chipotle make a taco properly? I can't tell you how many times they fuck this up and it's maddening. There are times when they'll decide to dump the meat over three taco shells and expect them to all fill evenly. The result of this is that one or more of the tacos has meat on one half, and nothing on the other. Yummy, plain taco shell! There are other times when they add hot sauce to the outer surface of the taco shell instead of inside it. Both of these things can happen with the sour cream and if the person is incompetent enough to screw up the meat and/or sauce, they are probably screwing up the sour cream, excellent. If I was going to mash up the taco shells and eat them like nachos, this would probably be fine. Then again, if I was going to do that, then I'd go somewhere and just order fucking nachos, wouldn't I? By the way, this never, ever, ever happens at Taco Bell; tell me how much sense that makes. And it's not like you can yell at them for screwing up the food because then you're the picky asshole in a line with 50 people that relies on you to get your business up to the register as quickly as possible for it to keep moving. Look, I know your job sucks, Chipotle worker, but if the people at Taco Bell can do it, so can you.
You want to know what's similar to eating a taco with sour cream on one half and meat on the other? I'll tell you--it's watching Liverpool manager Rafa Benitez start Lucas Leiva as much as possible while sitting Fernando Torres as much as possible. They can't freaking score without him, why do they sit him? Would the Cavs sit Lebron James in Game 5 of the Eastern Conference Finals if they were down 3-1 and he was even relatively healthy? Hell freaking no! Would they take him out of the fourth quarter of the game if it were tied? No? Then what the hell is this crazy wanker doing? START TORRES EVERY GAME, PLEASE. And back to Lucas, I know he's Brazilian, but he freaking sucks. Stop it.
What really needs to stop is Duke getting every freaking call; I can't take it. I have to watch the "Duke Sucks" video 10 times for every one of their games that I sit through. It is absolutely sickening. No one really talked about the charge call they made in favor of Jon Scheyer in the championship game when he was mid-air as contact happened. Could that have made the difference in the end of the game? Who knows, but it's just another example of a monstrosity of a call in a close game that should never go the defense's way. He was basically under the basket! Someone get me an inhaler.
In case you hadn't already figured this out, I also really dislike the fact that Duke won the National Championship. It absolutely kills me. At least they helped me win some money, but it definitely feels tainted. Maybe it'll go towards hiring a guy to kill Coach K. Or I could give it to charity, but that wouldn't contribute to society as much as my first option (I don't condone violence, but I do condone the threat of violence). I was sitting pretty with UNC having won two titles since the last time Dook won and this year did not at all feel like that was going to change. Scheyer, Singler, Smith and Zoubeck? Do any of those guys crack an NBA Playoff team's rotation? At least the last time they won they had some real players, this year's team seems like it came out of left field. They took advantage of a favorable road to the Final Four and handled their business. What else can I say? Now I have to hope that Carolina wins one soon to keep pace. Which leads me to my next dislike:
What the hell is Ed Davis thinking leaving Carolina after two years? Not only is he ruining Carolina's chances of winning next year, he's screwing up his future! Ed, Google "Brandan Wright," and there's your NBA career. Remember Brandan, the tall skinny UNC guy who left after a year even though he had no discernable post moves? Well, guess what, but after two turd-like years warming the bench for the freaking Warriors (they suck), he's now had to sit out the entire '09-'10 season with his second shoulder injury (because he was too frail). Happy trails, Ed! Don't get me wrong, he's good and I'm sad to see him leave for mostly selfish reasons but he's still making a major mistake. He is god awful when it comes to putting the ball on the floor, he's way skinny so he won't be able to move guys off the block at the next level and he has no jumpshot to speak of whatsoever. That's not to say that he can't develop one or more of these skills, but getting burried on the bench of a crappy NBA team isn't exactly the best way to sharpen one's tools or to build one's self-confidence. He's going to get mauled his first few years and coaches/teammates are going to wonder whether he has the DNA to succeed in the NBA. I hope for his sake he doesn't let his first three years of sucking kill his mojo. As for me, I guess I get another year of The Larry Drew II Project.
Speaking of train wrecks, have you seen the new Starz show "Spartacus: Blood and Sand"? Good golly, even with the amount of blood, gore, gratuitous nudity and, of course, the sand!!! thrown at the viewer, it's god awful. Having said that, I'd like to note that I watch every episode. It's obviously much better than shows that don't have the blood (and sand), but judging it on a relative scale, it doesn't stack up. It's not a bad idea; they combined HBO's "Rome", Gladiator and 300 down to the plot, comic book-like backdrops, slow motion action sequences, political intrigue (can you say melodramatic?) and graphic sex scenes involving aging redheads. All of that sounds good until you realize that the show revolves around a loser rich guy who owns a bunch of gladiators in Capua (what the fuck is Capua?) trying to climb the political ladder in Ancient Rome and his best fighter, Spartacus, who's pretty much some jackass soldier who's trying to find his wife. Yawn, it's like watching a C-list celebrity red carpet show. Oh, and by the way, the drunk people screaming on 11th Street that just walked out of Webster Hall would make for a better cast. In fact, I could stick a video camera out of my window right now and I'd have a suitable audition tape for season 2. The only guy that's irreplaceable is the tall black dude who trains the gladiators; he'd win a fight against any of the drunk Webster Hall guys and he wouldn't be ashamed to smack the rowdy bitches...respect. All-in-all, it's not the worst way to kill an hour, but they sorely underachieved.
One guy who didn't underachieve this year was Kevin Durant. I'm just disappointed that Durant's Thunder sort of fell apart these past few weeks and will most likely end up with the 8th seed and a date with Kobe and the Lakers. They have a guy who can match up with Durant (Odom) and are better at pretty much every other position except point guard, and I do not trust Russell Westbrook to run a team in a playoff series yet. I just hope that we are in for one game where Durant drops 55 at home. Oh well, at least the Mavs and Nuggets look like they're ready for the challenge. Kobe's just dominated the Western Conference the past few years. Kind of reminds me of the time Conan joined TBS and dominated their comedians...
Wait, what? Conan is going to do late night on TBS? Are you kidding me? I dislike this on so many levels, it's not even funny. Conan is one of the brilliant comedic minds of the past twenty years and because that douche bag Leno couldn't give up the limelight we have to watch him take a late night job on TBS? I'm glad that he landed somewhere, but this is like driving a Ferrari with automatic transmission. He's going to be joining the comedic ranks of Tyler Perry, Bill Engvall and George Lopez? Not that he will be collaborating with them, but it's still kind of an insult to his comedic intelligence. It would be like David Halberstam co-writing a book on life in LA with Ron Artest and Lindsay Lohan. Wait, that would have been kind of awesome... nevermind. My biggest issue with this is that TBS will actually have a valid point when they run those ridiculous "very funny" commercials. I used to be able to roll my eyes and laugh at how pathetic those guys in those shows seemed (making my life seem much better in comparison). Now, I'm going to have to sit through about 500 iterations of these commercials during the NBA playoffs and I won't have that to fall back on. Where will I get my validation from? I dislike it when things that I dislike so much that they make me feel awesome in comparison are taken away from me so suddenly.
